Understanding Distressed Behaviours in Autistic Children
Autistic children often experience distress, which may be expressed through behaviours that others find challenging. These behaviours are not deliberate misbehaviour but rather a response to unmet needs, sensory overwhelm, or difficulties with communication. By understanding the reasons behind these responses and using supportive strategies, can help autistic children feel safe and understood.
Common Distressed Behaviours in Autism
Autistic children may express distress in various ways, including:
Meltdowns – Intense emotional responses to sensory, social, or environmental overwhelm. Unlike tantrums, meltdowns are not intentional or manipulative but rather a sign that the child is overwhelmed and needs support.
Self-regulation strategies – Stimming (e.g. hand-flapping, rocking, spinning, humming) is a common and beneficial way for autistic individuals to self-regulate. However, when stimming is interrupted, or when a child cannot access their usual strategies, distress may increase.
Distress-driven responses – Some children may hit, kick, or engage in self-injurious behaviours when they feel dysregulated or unable to communicate their needs. This is not aggression but a sign that they need support.
Resistance to change – Many autistic children prefer routines and predictability. Sudden changes can cause distress, not because they are "stubborn," but because predictability helps them feel secure.
Shutdowns – Some children may withdraw, stop speaking, or become unresponsive when overwhelmed. This is a coping mechanism rather than defiance.
These behaviours are valid expressions of an autistic child's experience and should be met with understanding rather than punishment.
Understanding the Causes of Distressed Behaviours
Autistic children may experience distress due to:
Communication differences – If a child has difficulty expressing their needs verbally, they may use behaviour to communicate.
Sensory sensitivities – Many autistic children experience heightened or reduced sensitivity to sensory input, such as bright lights, loud noises, certain textures, or strong smells.
Need for predictability – Autistic individuals often thrive on routines. Unexpected changes can be distressing and difficult to process.
Social expectations – Social interactions can be overwhelming, especially when there is pressure to engage in neurotypical ways.
Emotional overload – Strong emotions such as excitement, fear, frustration, or anxiety can become overwhelming and lead to dysregulation.
Understanding these underlying reasons allows can help provide appropriate support rather than viewing behaviours as "problems" to be fixed.
Positive Behaviour Support (PBS) as a Neuro-Affirming Approach
Positive Behaviour Support (PBS) is an evidence-based approach that focuses on understanding the purpose of behaviours and helping children find more effective ways to meet their needs. It involves:
Identifying triggers – Observing and understanding what leads to distress.
Minimising environmental stressors – Adjusting the environment to reduce overwhelm.
Teaching alternative ways to communicate needs – Encouraging non-verbal and verbal communication, including augmentative and alternative communication (AAC).
Providing positive reinforcement – Supporting and validating an autistic child’s unique ways of communicating and self-regulating.
PBS should never be used to make a child "act neurotypical" or suppress natural autistic traits. Instead, it aims to help children feel more comfortable and empowered in their environment.
Supporting a Child Through a Meltdown
Meltdowns occur when an autistic child becomes overwhelmed and cannot self-regulate. They are not misbehaviour but a sign of distress. Support strategies may include:
Recognising early signs – Pacing, covering ears, verbal distress, or withdrawal may indicate that a child is becoming overwhelmed.
Reducing environmental triggers – Lowering noise levels, dimming lights, or moving to a quiet space can help a child regulate.
Providing sensory supports – Noise-cancelling headphones, weighted blankets, or fidget toys can offer comfort.
Avoiding demands – Telling a child to "calm down" or forcing eye contact can increase distress. Instead, provide gentle support and reassurance.
Allowing recovery time – After a meltdown, children may feel exhausted. Giving them time to engage in a calming activity, such as listening to music or playing with a sensory object, can help them to regulate.
Practical Strategies for Parents and Caregivers
Honour Alternative Communication Methods - Many autistic children communicate through AAC, gestures, or echolalia. Supporting their communication preferences reduces frustration.
Embrace Predictability and Routine - Using visual schedules, social stories, and transition warnings can help children feel secure.
Validate and Support Self-Regulation Strategies - Stimming, sensory breaks, and movement-based activities can help autistic children self-regulate. These should be encouraged, not discouraged. Children with unsafe self-regulation strategies should be supported to develop safer alternative self-regulation strategies that respect their sensory needs.
Use Strength-Based Approaches - Focusing on a child’s interests and strengths can help them engage in learning and daily activities in a meaningful way.
Seek Autistic-Led Insights and Professional Support - Consulting with autistic adults, support groups for families of a child with autism, and neurodiversity-affirming professionals can also help provide strategies.
Autistic children express their needs in ways that may not always align with neurotypical expectations, but these behaviours are valid and meaningful. By using neuro-affirming approaches such as Positive Behaviour Support, creating a sensory-friendly environment, and respecting autistic ways of communicating, we can help children feel more comfortable and understood.
Autistic children thrive in environments where they feel safe, understood, and accepted. By approaching their behaviours with compassion and affirming their neurodivergence, we can help them build confidence and resilience.
